Home 1: The Home Guide

Winter 2016 Edition

Words by Miranda Hine, Chief Home Reporter

In the last edition of The Home Guide, we discussed how a home doesn’t have to be a house. It can come in all physical forms. But perhaps a home can even be unrelated to a physical structure! I like to think that a home could be a time, or a person. Have you ever transported your home in material belongings, from one house to another? I’ve come to believe that a home can exist even in a memory, and in the relationships built over time. As always here at The Home Guide, we love to hear the opinions and experiences of our readers. Do you believe there’s a limit to how many homes one person can have in their lifetime, or at any one time? How many homes have you had? Write to us and let us know at PO Box 14 East Brisbane 4169*. Read on for my hot tips on how to make your house into a home!

How to make a house a home: a step-by-step guide

  1. Become friends with your neighbours.

  2. Pick comfortable furniture. Remember, you have to use it!

  3. Make your own coffee table scrapbook about your life. If your life has been largely uneventful, simply print out someone else’s Instagram photos and fabricate your story!

  4. Store your books in the attic, under the bed, in a cupboard or simply throw them away. Then fill your empty bookshelves with small sculptures of dogs. This will let your guests know what’s important to you.

  5. Be unique. Grab a funky wall hanging from IKEA. If someone asks you where it’s from, lie!

  6. Fill any bare space with plants. A home is intended to provide shelter from the outside world, but pot plants can create the illusion that we, as a species, still maintain some kind of innate connection with nature.

  7. Always have a loaf of fresh bread baking in the oven.

  8. Always be home to be baking fresh bread.

  9. Relationships are everything! To minimise stressful chores and arguments in the kitchen, furnish your kitchen with the all new LG Stainless Steel Freestanding Dishwasher, only $1099 right now from the The Good Guys.

  10. Accumulate ornamental items, like a Spanish poster advertising a theatre in downtown Barcelona that you’ve never visited and you’re not even sure what the text says because Google translate isn’t fully reliable but the central figure is the spitting image of your ideal partner although you’ll never tell your husband this, or a vintage bicycle that you’re not confident enough to ride because you haven’t ridden a bike since your parents left the country in 1997, leaving you to fend for yourself and three siblings and no time to practise riding a bike.

  11. Make a mess – it’s your home after all!

  12. Keep it spotless, so guests see it as a reflection of your focused, uncluttered mind.

  13. Enjoy your home. Remember, it’s your own personal slice of heaven!

  14. Finally, post regular photos of your home on social media, so you can share your own personal slice of heaven with the rest of the world, and promote widespread envy of your homemaking skills.

To keep in mind:

The process of making your house into a home is an extremely personal and potentially life-changing experience. You may wish to ask your housemates, lover/s, or family members to leave the house for a week or two while you execute this intimate and important process. With them gone, you’ll find that the space will become quintessentially yours, with no personality or taste preferences seeping in from close loved ones or other occupants.

*This PO Box may not exist